Men & women

 

Largely because of the works of Freud, sexual thoughts and behaviors are still considered to be major influences on contemporary life in general. The following are just some of the few instances that show the differences between men and women.

Communication between men and women as we know is very different. Men have a tendency to observe a situation and use conversation to negotiate their status. Talk for men is often a way to preserve independence. Women use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy. For women, talking is the essence of connection. I tell you what I’m thinking, you tell me what you are thinking, and we become close. Men however tend to take this request for conversation as a request for advice and therefore respond with a solution. When a man offers this kind of information the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off. For men they see this as being supportive. In order for women to understand men they must remember that men’s communication is all about status.

            Emotions are also very different between the sexes. Women typically have a larger limbic system than men, which allows them to be more in touch with their feelings and better able to express them, which promotes bonding with others. The down side to this larger deep limbic system is that it also opens women up to depression. Women attempt suicide three times more than men. Yet, men kill themselves three times more than women, in part, because they use more violent means of killing themselves. Women tend to use overdoses with pills while men tend to either shoot or hang themselves. In addition men are generally less connected to others than are women. Disconnection from others increases the risk of completed suicides. Men are also far less likely to seek help for any mental health disorder.

Men think about sex at least once a day while only one quarter of women reports this frequency.  Men are very rigid and specific about whom they become aroused by, who they want to have sex with, who they fall in love with. Women's sex drives are more influenced by social and cultural factors. It is not that men do not seek intimacy, love, and connection in a relationship, just as women do. They just view the role of sex differently. Women first look for a man that they can communicate with on an emotional level. For men sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side; it is their language of intimacy.

The biggest task that faces men and women is to learn to accept their differences, avoid taking their differences as personal attempts to frustrate each other, and to compromise whenever possible. Although a man or women can act in consideration of the other’s needs this is not necessarily rewarding and honest. Holding the benefit of another above our own is rewarding. But from time to time, and more often for most of us, it is important to be our self and to be accepted, and not to be the source of distress and disappointment in the lives of people we love.